Still At Point A?

Last night we attended the Waiting Families Group meeting at LSS where author, Elizabeth O'Toole, spoke about her book, In On It. Elizabeth is a local who adopted her 3 daughters from Columbia through LSS. She found that while there were many resources for adoptive parents, there weren't any that spoke specifically to the friends and family members who take this journey with them. I think that while we - parents waiting to adopt - hope for and depend on the support coming from our friends and family, we also have a responsibility to step back and try to understand how our decision to adopt is affecting them.

Elizabeth shared a great analogy that has stuck with me most of the day. I'll try to get it right... Say the adoption journey goes from A to Z and that the point at which the couple (in this case us) makes the decision to adopt is point M. It's probably the case that we didn't share much with most of you as we went from point A to M so by the time the big "We're adopting!" announcement came, we were already half-way to the finish line while you may have been back at point A.

I share this not because we've had negative reactions to our adoption news but in a more general sense and with the expectation that most people I know have/will have some direct connection with adoption - other than through us, I mean. Even the most supportive and well-intended people will have reactions that come from surprise or misinformation or even outright fear of what they don't know or understand.

Now, us Minnesotans are pretty good at projecting the polite face and saying the right things even when experiencing doubt and concern. So, if there are things you want to know and don't know how to ask, you have permission to say exactly that. Stumble through it if you need to - we won't hold it against you. Chances are we had the same questions way back at point A.

And if you're interested in the book, here's the link: In On It

For my Target friends, consider attending the Adoption Network Brown Bag in August... Elizabeth is scheduled to speak to the group!